Poetry Poem: Then

It’s pain

Deep traumatic pain

This dissected my life

Between before and after

A cut, which bled then superficially healed

Before was before,

After was after, but life changed then

Pain I attracted always felt familiar

Of course it always began with attractive attraction sensations

Energetic attraction of plus and minus

I drew you in, this deep power is relentless, strong

Like a moth, you came to the pain.

The flame disguise was my game

Funny, it was never about your beautiful blue eyes

It was about me, broken and lusting after my tragedy

We coupled in that cracked way people do without love

Our romantic superfluous anecdotes evaporated

Unproductive

This disambiguation, “ tolled the bell!.”

I cracked, then

Deep deep pain which flooded, light illuminating

The game which captured me

Flashed

I saw, recognized and understood

Repetitive similarities, I sucked in that suffering again and again

No a flame now burning across my mind.

pain pain pain

Not more, enough !

My loving affirmative arm embraced me, that kid

Just holding, just accepting,

just caring again

My self created mirror broke in this moment

This epiphany of self recognition and hope

Tears, my tears, my sobbing heart wrenching joy

Healing came because I returned

Simple, true, we can do it!

We can do this to improve

Grow, move inextricably to

Completion

That pain is the cry,

That pain is the sigh,

That pain is a way

In which Love

Love for the being

Love for the me

I’d left behind

As a kid

As I did

Then

Returns

Liam 2019

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